she woke up with a sticky ear
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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