I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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