woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
