ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
