covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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