He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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