new low.... made out with someone while peeing
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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