I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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