Yo dont text me then not text me
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
