I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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