He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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