So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
