Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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