Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
too bad you live with your parents still
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
