She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Randomize
