I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
