Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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