Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My vagina is very pro this idea
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
