the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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