I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
