Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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