i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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