we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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