So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
