Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
