I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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