was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
