I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
