turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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