u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
