Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
