Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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