just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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