mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
