i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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