Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
