Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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