my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
