How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
