But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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