Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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