girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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