you guys were way drunker than both of me
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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