I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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