You can't motorboat a personality
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
