At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
time to smoke my breakfast
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
