everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
