Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
