My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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