Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
