i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
