i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
