Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
