You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
