apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I FOUND THE LEGS
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
