Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
