I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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